Thursday, March 27, 2014

"How can I tell the man I've come to love so much that I'm barren??" -Blog visitor laments.

Hello Meme,please publish my story. I look forward to reading other blog readers' opinion and counsel. Thanks so much.
I met Benjamin 8 months ago through a mutual friend and we kicked it off immediately. That was the first time I actually believed in Love at first sight. He made my temperature rise,my heart beat fast,my tongue stick to the roof of my mouth. I stared into his clear grey eyes and I knew we were meant for each other.
 Benjamin and I became inseparable. Yes,we were the cynosure of all eyes. Everywhere he went,he took me along. He was so proud of me. I gloried in the fact that he found me beautiful even though I sometimes felt my features were just too plain. I won't deny the fact that I used to feel kinda inferior compared to his charming good looks. But trust Benji to quickly dispel such feelings. He constantly assured me I was the best,the prettiest of all and in no time I began to feel so.
He took me to meet his parents eventually. Wow,they were such warm,loving people. His mum particularly wouldn't allow me do anything around the house. She was the mother hen fussing around her chick. She asked me to tell her how I met Benji. She was so excited,hahaha. I slowly recounted the moments. Delightedly she hugged me afterwards and exclaimed,'I have found my daughter in-law at last!"
 Now,my past is gradually creeping in on me. I won't exactly say I lived a promiscuous life..yeah I'd been involved in a few relationships here and there. You know how the story goes -you fall in love with him,he breaks your heart,you move on to the next guy. The next guy cheats on you,you can't take it..on to the next one until you find that special man who would want you as wife.
During this 'on to the next dude' cycle,I fell in love with an older man who lavished money,care and all the goodies you can think of on me. He was so affectionate. Passionate. Mature. I still remember him vividly till date. His name was Biodun. Unfortunately he died on his way down to see me from Ibadan where he worked. My life crumbled. I thought I would die. Thank God for good friends and family who supported and nurtured me back to life.
 ..And then I discovered I was pregnant!
Oh no..
Much as I would have loved to keep a part of Biodun with me,honestly I felt it was unwise to do so. Being a single mum..?! The idea sucked. I was terrified. I had barely left the university and didn't have much in my bank account. Taking care of a baby didn't sound appealing at all. Well,I took myself to the doctor who performed the D&C. It was a myriad of emotions for me that day. Relief. Sadness. Trepidation. You name it.
A year later I met some other guy. I didn't exactly feel love for Jim at first but eventually I grew very fond of him. He told me plainly that he wanted to get married,as he needed to raise his own family. I
accepted his proposal. One evening,precisely 6 months into the relationship he told me to get pregnant first before he went on with the marriage plans. I was stunned!
"Why Jim? Do you doubt my fertility or what?!"
"Not that..." he scratched his head," It's my mum... She wants to be sure her daughter-in-law is not barren." He smiled broadly. "Let's do this dearie. Get pregnant. Let's make her happy."
"Really?" It was funny to me.
"Sure."
"Okay."
But the pregnancy never came. At first I didn't think there was more to it. Perhaps I was overly anxious,or something. We tried harder,took some fertility pills and all that. But to no avail.
I decided to see a gynaecologist on my own, and that was when the bombshell was dropped! I had lost my womb during the last abortion I had. I just wouldn't believe it. I went to see another gynaecologist who confirmed it too.
I think I died that day.
Moving like an automaton,I walked to Jim's house and blurted the truth.I decided to take my chances. If he loved me truly,we could do this. I turned tear-filled eyes at him,awaiting his response. My heart was beating fast.He wouldn't look at me as he fidgetted  with the hem of his shirt. "I'm sorry dear. I can't marry you. I hope you understand. I need a family,kids..you know..My parents want grand children too."
"I..know. I'm sorry too."
I walked out of his life that day.
That was two years ago.
Now you can imagine why I feel like my life is being torn into shreds again. I'm worried again. How do I tell my love that I can't bear kids for him? That i'm barren? I fear he'll leave just like Jim did. And if I withheld such vital fact from him,wouldn't that be more grievous?
I really must admit that I don't know what to do at this point.
Please I need your counsel. No insults please. Thank you.
Ijose.
Lagos State.























16 comments:

  1. Anonymous8:30 pm

    You see what 'on to the next guy' syndrome has cost you?May God help you.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ijose, urs is such a sad case. But this is truly a test for love. Maybe u have to test ur man. If he loves enough like he claims, it won't matter if u r barren. Besides, there r alternatives for women like u. Don't give up just yet. Let him know who u r and leave d decision for him to make.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous8:47 pm

    Give ur life to Jesus n watch Him work wonders in ur life.if its cant be fixed it can be replaced by the Most High only if u trust in Him

    ReplyDelete
  4. Mz boobz8:51 pm

    Don't tell him now my dear.Be wise.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Samson8:54 pm

    Why wouldn't you be barren after killing an innocent child of your late fiance?You must be a learner.I have said it before &I will say it agn,women are evil

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Anonymous10:28 pm

      Sammy Samson Sammy, were you born of a stone? If women are evil, so are you because you were born of a woman.
      ..If you do live in Nigeria, you have to decide between 14 years and "the evil ones". It is your choice :P

      Delete
  6. Teleme8:56 pm

    Oga samson,delilah rly dealt you a heavy blow right?plz forgive her and move on,hahahahahahahahahah

    ReplyDelete
  7. Anonymous9:21 pm

    You are a clown@Teleme

    ReplyDelete
  8. Dat blunt Ibo chic10:01 pm

    Mz boobs,God will settle down to punish you for that evil advise you have given a sister.If your head isn't functioning properly why rub it on someone else in dire need of the right thing to do?*hiss

    ReplyDelete
  9. Tell him dear.whats urs is urs no matter what.A single happy life wv adopted kids is better than a miserable Divorcee

    ReplyDelete
  10. Prayers solve problems.d answer is in ur heart.

    ReplyDelete
  11. Bishop Ray King11:34 am

    Go on a 365 days fasting and prayer, u'll get a brand new womb (kidding) with God, nothing is impossible, pray, fast, have faith and expect it (hope for it)

    ReplyDelete
  12. Anonymous11:42 am

    My dear,do not hide it from your fiance,if he loves you he won't mind.May God help you

    ReplyDelete
  13. star ma'am12:12 pm

    There's Notting God can't do, believe in him & give ur life totally 2 him, I tell u babes dat na small tin 4 baba God. Tell him(l mean ur guy) what he has 2 no & let God do his own

    ReplyDelete
  14. Anonymous10:22 am

    My dear there's notin God cannot do. Why worry wen u Havє Jesus? Pls summon courage, go ahead and tell Чя husband. I Havє seen somebody without a womb bare children b4, dats God in action. Talk to d most high and see him perform wonders. And don't hide it from Чя spouse

    ReplyDelete

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