Friday, October 10, 2014

Cries from a blog reader,"Help! he says I'm no longer the trim&sexy chic he got married to..."

"Hi Meme,I've been wondering what happened to your blog. I'm glad to see you kicking again. More power to your elbow.
   Honestly I'll appreciate if you put put this up for me there,because I really want to read other people's opinion concerning what I'm going through at the moment.
I've been married for 3years to a very loving man and have two beautiful kids to show for it. When we got married,I was 26 years, and a size 10.. Do you know my husband never told me that it was my figure that attracted me to him the first time? Well,until recently..
  Child bearing has taken its toll on my beautiful body. I'm not proud to say this but I'm size 14 now. My breasts have enlarged thrice their original size,my waist, hips *sigh*
 But I still can't call myself fat! No,I'm not fat, so I just wonder why hubby refuses to acknowledge that i'm still that pretty,sexy chic he got married to. For crying out loud,its his kids I bore that has reshapened my body so!
 In as much as I try to stay sexy,and good in bed, he gets turned off. Just like that. Like a switch. I'm fast losing my head! Who says you only have to be a size 10 to remain cool? Is size 10 the new sexy? Why is he so damn inconsiderate? Okay, I tried to lose some weight. I eat so little, yet my hips won't just reduce a bit. I learnt it had to do with child bearing. I'm beginning to be angry with him. Christ, this is so unfair!
-Blog reader.

*My dear,I feel for you but I think you haven't done enough. Whatever happened to hitting the gym? Burn those calories,and fast! It's a good thing he's pointing this out now. Some men just would not. The next thing you'd probably hear are 'rumours' flying all around you. Remember Men are attracted to what they SEE. My 2cents.
Over to you guys..

Question of the day: Why is there so much love,and yet so little trust?

HUSBAND: Honey, where are you?
WIFE: At home love.
HUSBAND: Are you sure?
WIFE: Yes dearie.
HUSBAND: Turn on the blender.
WIFE: (turns blender on) reeereeeereeee
HUSBAND: Ok my love, I love you.. bye!

(Next day)
Wife: Darling, where are you?
Husband: At home, love.
Wife: Are you sure?
Husband: Yes,honey
Wife: Turn on the blender
Husband: (turns blender on) reeereeeereeee
Wife: Ok sweetie, bye.... 
My question of the day is :Why is there so much love, and yet so little trust?

Thursday, October 09, 2014

DIARY OF AN OKADA RIDER.

"14 YEARS, BRODA.."
 Jaji didn't almost pull over. Through the rear view mirror of his okada, he sighted the tiny lad who had this somewhat dejected look on his face. For an instant there, he was indecisive as to whether to pick him up or ride on. Nightfall was fast approaching and the growling of his stomach rudely reminded him of a hunger so intense it made him dizzy.
 And then he found himself pulling up by the kerb, beckoning on the boy. A few extra naira notes in his pocket wasn't a bad idea,he thought, as that should take care of two wraps of hot fufu with Egusi soup,one roundabout,one shaki and if he felt like it today -a bottle of cold sprite.
"Wia you dey go?" he demanded impatiently, casting a peek at his wristwatch. 5 minutes past 7pm.
"St Pius' street." The lad promptly answered. His countenance seemed to brighten up immediately.
"Na 250 naira."
"Please, sir. I have just 150 naira on me. You know, I need return home today."
Jaji rolled his eyes. Wetin be my bizness if you no return to ya house?? 
"Time don go,and na night we dey so. Na 250 last. You dey go?" Jaji rasped, stepping on the accelerator lightly.
"W-w-wait! Okay, I'll pay that amount. You just hope Natty boy is home so he can pay my fare back home."
Jaji wondered for the second time why he was telling him all that!
The lad hopped in behind him, and he accelerated away.
 "Sir, please fire this motorcycle now! You're moving kinda slow. Hmmm, if Nathaniel leaves the house before I get there,eh? It won't be funny o. Natty has such a terrible temper,damn! So so impatient, my natty boy! "
 Jaji's eyebrows furrowed.
His ears tingled in the dark.
He pursed his lips and quirked his head sideways, against the howling wind.
"O boy, I dey march the okada as I fit march am reach now. Any speed wey pass dis one,my hand no dey. "
He heard him grumble.
"By the way, who be Natty boy?"
Now, Jaji heard him giggle.
An oncoming truck flashed its full headlights,honking all the way as it advanced towards their side of the road.
"Natty boy -"
"You go hol' dis ya Natty boy story first o, cos dis yeye truck driver don drink ogogoro!" Jaji interjected,manoeuvring his Okada off the way, and by a hair's breadth the truck skidded past them,tilting this way and that,until it vanished out of sight.
"Drunk! That driver must be drunk! Damn, we almost got hit! My Natty would have been so so devastated!"
"Now you fit Nack me the tory of dis ya Natty bobo. Who hin be sef?". Jaji asked, curiosity  getting the better of him now.
"Hmmm, you don't wanna know." There was a smile in his voice. Jaji heard it.
That giggling again.
"Na ya broda?" Jaji prodded.
"Hmmm.. he is more than a brother to me! " He cried,"Much more than a brother could ever be. He's my everything."
Jaji grinned. What affinity they shared, he thought, a bit enviously.
"My best mate, my brother,my confidante, my pillar,my counsellor, my..."
Jaji's grin broadened. He listened as the lad rapped about this Natty fellow, his mind involuntarily wandering to the time before his parents' death, a time when he and his brother Michael were such an inseparable pair. The love. The laughter. The joy of togetherness..
 "..and above all, my lover. "
Jaji's ears twitched.
"I no hear you well,my broda." He was instantly through with the memory lane stuff, eyes rounding now in shock.
He giggled again,and the sound grated on Jaji's nerves.
"Natty boy is my lover." he suddenly stated,a tinge of defiance etching his words.
"You mean...say?Look, I no undastand. Na ya lover, as in, na ya boyfriend??"
"You heard me. "
"My Lord, I neva take my eye see homosexual for my life before oooo..." Jaji shook his head slowly,and unbelievably.
"Oh really?" the lad threw at him coldly.
"Yes nau, I neva see o, na ear I dey take hear."
"Hmmmm.."He shrugged nonchalantly.
"Abeg no vex o, how many years you dey sef?"
"23 next month,November."
"Since when dis Natty begin be ya..ya..boyfriend?" Jaji stuttered, grappling with the handlebar of  the Okada.
"Well, since I was 20!"
"Ewoooo!" Jaji cried in dismay. Instantly he regretted it, for the lad went still behind him and wouldn't say a word.
Obviously the silence was fleeting for he began to speak some moments later, his voice loud and clear,"You do not know anything about being gay. So why don't you lean back and lemme enlighten you?"
Jaji said nothing. He waited.
"Being gay is nothing near what I ever envisaged as a growing kid. It just happened -my attraction to the opposite sex."
Jaji remained silent. He was all ears.
"I had my first experience, I mean my first sexual experience at the age of 13, and it was initiated by my elder brother's friend who came around when no one was home."
The bastard, Jaji seethed inwardly.
"Hmm, it was ugly for me,for a while. I was too ashamed to admit it to anyone. I felt so spoiled, so rotten. I hated my life. I felt abused,and misused. Life was difficult those long nights of tears and
despair... it was bad, my brother."
Jaji's heart went out to that troubled teenager and unconsciously gnashed his teeth.
" Somehow I got over it,and moved on. Bakonle - that was his name- I never saw again. My brother told me he had left the shores of the country for greener pasture overseas. A year passed, 2 years and then I turned 16.."
 Jaji nodded, following the narrative all the way.
" I met this very beautiful girl I was attracted to. I was in my final year in secondary school. We were so in love, and yes, at some point she wanted me to take her virginity.."
So?? Jaji inwardly quizzed.
"I tried to.. to.. get hard."
Silence.
"It wasn't happening. I was as flat as a deflated tyre. I didn't read much to it though,and decided to try again. Still, my manhood wouldn't respond right. It just went placid each time I tried. Angrily I blamed it on Omoye. I told her she wasn't 'girl enough' to 'handle me' and so she left me. Angrily too.
 Same thing happened with the next girl. And the next, next, and the very next. Altogether I decided to give it a rest, and focused on my studies."
 Jaji sighed. He was close to St Pius Street now and the the gist had only just gone juicier!
"Then something happened the year I turned twenty. I met Nathaniel."
Ghen Ghen..
"He seemed to read through my thoughts,"he went on,"He taught me to embrace my sexuality. I don't know how he knew these things, but he just knew them. He showed me that I was a highly sexual person and believe me I fell in love with him. He guided me through the path of discovery.. through the many years of shame and remorse, until I finally accepted who I truly am"
Jaji cringed.
"You see, I didn't choose to be gay. I've always been gay. I was born that way. Natty boy, since then he has become an integral part of my essence. My friend, brother -"
" hold on o.." Jaji put in. He was curving into the bend that led to St pius. "Dem no born you as gay nah. Na dat bastard wey abuse you when you small, na hin begin affect you. Why you no report to ya parents, or ya broda? You suppose undergo psychotherapy nah, dat one for help you -"
"Hush it. I'm good the way I am! Natty Boy is the best that could ever be -" he cut in, with a girlish toss to his head.
""My broda, na 14 years old -" Jaji interrupted, bringing his okada to a halt. They were on St Pius' street now.
"Who cares?! " He burst out furiously. "This government is a joke! Jail me cos I was born this way?!"
 Jaji said to him gently,"I no mind, I go still advise you as my little broda. Life no dey here. Soon, your backside go begin dabaru, and anoda tin,pikin you no go fit born! That one na life?! No. Comot hand
from homosexuality. No road there, moreover God no like that kind-"
"My friend, will you take your dough,and get the hell outta my face?!" He had alighted now,and was shoving the money into Jaji's hand.
" See as you don dry finish like cra-fish..The tin don dry you, no be small. I be even tink say you be about 17 years old! My broda, remember say the law for dis awi country -
  "Muaaaaaah!!!
Oh dear, that was just a swift kiss that landed on Jaji's left cheek. And of course Jaji hadn't seen it coming.
"Did you die? Did it kill -"
  Jaji,like lightening,swiftly swung his fist upward and landed it heavily on his face.
Gbuaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!
He yelped, holding his split face with both hands. Jaji swung his fist again. "I no be Danny boy,abi na  Natty dread, you hear! Make thunder fire you!"
  This time he screamed and pivoted on his heels, fleeing into the dark.
Jaji dragged in a ragged breathe. The adventures of an Okada rider! Hardly a day passed he didn't have such uncanny encounters with passengers.
 He was humming the melodious tune of Oritse Femi's 'Double Wahala' song as he made it to Mama Sikirat Canteen a few minutes later.
 Hot fufu, Egusi soup with roundabout and Shaki he ordered but  instead of Sprite, he opted for a cold bottle of Star beer.
Life is sweet.. that was the last thing he thought, as the chilled beer gulped down his throat.

Pure FICTION story Written by Osarhieme Okungbowa.

*Hey guys, Meme is back *huge grin* Who missed me? *side eye*
I have missed you guys silly. Thanks for holding on. All the mails,calls, pings, hmmmm! I really do appreciate. We can still do this, right?
Tell me what you think about Jaji's diary today.. Dis Jaji sef, shey? Hahahaha.. Mr adventure..
Kisses N hugs..
Meme.
 


























Been a while!

 Sup y’all? Been ages here. No leave, no transfer. Missed you guys like crazy. Tell me, what’s been happening? Any new gist? Fill me in..